How many of you out there struggle with the desire to have others think highly of your children? You really want your kids to be looked at as the smartest, the most well behaved, the most talented, the most generous child... Even before I had a baby of my own, I really struggled with these ideas. Being a nanny, and seeing children who had every opportunity open to them because their parents had large, disposable incomes didn't help me in my struggle to look at parenting differently. I still tend towards those feelings now. I want people to look at Emma and think highly of her, so that when people look at me, they will think I am the parent who has it all together. I want to be looked at as a good, loving parent to Emma. I realize this is a sinful way of thinking, but you should know it is something I struggle against all of the time.
But, reading this book is reminding me of the more important aspect of parenting. It isn't about me at all (imagine that)!! Emma isn't even really mine to raise how I want. Emma belongs to God, and he has just given me the blessing and gift to have a small part in raising her. He loves her so much more than I ever could and wants better things for her than I can even imagine. So, when I make choices in parenting, it isn't about how I look to others or about how she appears to others. It is about whether or not she has a true relationship with God and how deeply that relationship goes. I am supposed to teach her how to trust God with every aspect of her life, to be content in whatever good times or hardships he sends her ways, and to find joy in Christ no matter what is happening in her life.
Thinking about these ideas (which are not new to me, but that I need to be reminded of daily) make parenting seem like the most daunting task ever. Then, I have to be reminded that it isn't my job to teach these things to Emma, but for me to be open to allow God to use me as he wants, so that he can reveal Himself to her as he chooses. He can do through me, that which otherwise would be impossible! Again, it isn't about me at all (do you see a theme here??)!!
My prayer for Emma is that she really meets Jesus! I don't want her to be a Sunday Christian, who goes to church because it's just what you do, or because that's where her friends will be. I don't want her to say she's a Christian, because that's what her parents say and so she just assumes she's the same thing. I want God to be real to her. I want her to see Him as an active participant in her daily life, her sole protector, her comfort, her best friend, her everything! I want her life to be surrounded by Christ and to completely revolve around her relationship with Him.
How can I be used by God to help lead her down this path?? First and foremost I need to begin with ME!! There are things in my life that I need to change so that I am working towards that type of relationship with Christ. Emma seeing that type of relationship between God and I, or not seeing it, will not determine if she has that or not. Many people are raised by parents with very different beliefs but find God anyway, and vice versa! But, if I have this type of relationship, she will have a model to follow if she so chooses! So, there are a few things I am trying to work on now!
- If you look to the right side of my main page, there is a list of 10 ways to nurture your children. Number 2 is to honor your husband so that they will grow to honor him too. I tend to be a very defensive person (not a fun thing to admit, but true nonetheless). When Danny will try to talk with me about something that bugs him, I am the woman who wants to fight back about how he does the same thing, or it isn't that big of a deal so he should just let it be this time. This isn't how I want Emma to learn to handle critique. I want her to be able to listen when she's wronged someone, repent to them and to God, and make restitution with them. I also want her to learn to respect her father (who is a wonderful one who is very deserving of respect) as the leader of our family. She isn't going to do that naturally, especially if her mother doesn't. So, I am trying to work on that now!
- I need to be spending more time in the word and praying with Jesus. I have been involved in Bible Study Fellowship lately which has been wonderful for me. It is helping me get back to my close, loving relationship with my Father!
- I need to always remember to find my identity in Christ!! As you could tell by my earlier statements, I am a very selfish person, who's thoughts usually center around myself. If I am worried about how I appear to others or trying to find fulfillment in how others make me feel, I will always be disappointed. I will never be the "perfect parent" that I want others to believe I am, so why try pretending
I have been following some different blogs, and one of the ones I was on talked about women finally admitting that they weren't perfect. Instead of trying to seem to have everything together, they were opening a discussion about how together they all weren't! It was refreshing to read through the responses from people and seeing that we all struggle with the same issues. If it isn't one thing, it is another. If we are trying to put our identity in any of those things, we will live a life full of heart ache and disappointment. The only place we can put our identity to not be disappointed, is in Christ. So, right now, that is what I am working on.
When it comes to Emma, this book is teaching me to really look to her heart instead of her actions for discipline or rebuke. Everything we do, say, or are comes from what's in our heart!
Proverbs 4:23 - "Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life."
I am trying to write these words on my heart now, so that when Emma is actually old enough to begin to disobey, I will always remember this. I need to look at her heart, and deal with the sin that is in it, rather than disciplining her because her actions are annoying to me or because I want someone else's approval. I need to guide her heart to the Lord's will and desire for her rather than the selfish and wrong desires that are there now.
For those of you reading this who have children of your own, what do you do in your journey to help lead your little ones to Christ? Where do you struggle most?
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