Sleeping and Eating...

So, this has been a big week for our little bean.  She is taking some big steps towards being a big girl!  We have started sleep training, and we have started her on solids.  So far, one is going great, the other is a struggle...

Let's start with eating!  Look at this video of our baby girl getting her first bite of food! :-)

I am so proud of her!!

For those of you who read this (I'm not sure if it is anyone besides the two grandmas and Danny, who openly said he doesn't usually read it, just looks at the pictures), you may remember my post about how we were going to follow baby-led weaning.  I was fully planning on it, and excited to stick with that plan.  Then, yesterday while I was eating a small cup of applesauce while holding Emma and playing on the computer, she managed to get ahold of the cup after I was finished and get it to her mouth before I could stop her.  And, the look of shear joy on her face when she tasted what little bit was on the sides was quite funny!  She then proceeded to try and lick what was left out of it.  At that point, I decided she was really ready to try eating.  She had been showing an interest in my food for awhile, and she was suddenly ready to devour it.  Unfortunately, she isn't old enough or progressed enough to do baby-led weaning.  She needs to be able to sit unassisted, and while she mostly can, she's still wobbly at times.  I'm also not sure how well she'd do at putting the food in her mouth.  So, I decided that while she was obviously ready and old enough to safely start purees, it wasn't fair to her to keep pushing her off just because I really wanted to try a different method of feeding her.  So, we bought a new blender, some freezer cups, and a baby book, and so will begin our adventures in solid foods!

I still am trying to stick by as much of the BLW rules as I can.  I am making as much of my own food as possible, therefore, I will continue to cook the food with spices and such, rather than making the food bland.  I also plan on moving on to regular solids as soon as she is ready.  I don't want to spend too much time on purees.  I also skipped the whole rice/oatmeal cereal step, and went right into vegetables.  I plan on leaving out grains as long as possible.  I will also try to start feeding her the same things we are eating as soon as she gets a little more proficient at eating.   So, while I'm obviously not following the heart of the BLW, I am trying to do what I can.  Enjoy a few pictures of our cute girl enjoying her first meal!  Oh, and what did she eat?  I cooked some carrots sauteed in olive oil along with minced garlic.  She only took a few bites on the first day, but did better today.

What papa?  Do I have something on my face?

Mom, please no pictures while I look like this!

There is that carrot goodness

Day 2 - enjoying some water while I prepared the food!

Shortly after this pictures was taken, the clothes had to come off to avoid a complete wardrobe change!

Now onto sleep...

Emma doesn't like to sleep, unless she is next to me or in my arms.  She was like this at birth, but stupidly I really thought she'd outgrow that at sometime, or it would at least get better.  Nope, it has gotten exponentially worse.  Here are a few of her habits.

Naps:  Emma won't nap for more than 20-30 minutes unless I am holding her or occasionally if I am napping next to her.  She wouldn't fall asleep on her own, nor could I rock her to sleep.  There was one type of bouncing I could do that would put her to sleep, and then I could ease down into the rocker or bed and hope she stayed asleep.  If I did this too early, she'd wake up completely, and I'd have to start the whole process over again.  Most recently, she had begun to not allow me to put her down at all (not even for those 20-30 minutes).  If I would try to lay her down, she would wake up after about 5 minutes of sleep, and then refuse to go back to sleep.  She would fight her naps by screaming, grunting, and going stiff as a board in my arms, all the while rubbing her eyes constantly and showing many signs of being tired.  I tried to shorten the time between naps, lengthen them, put her to sleep in a swing or her bouncy chair, in the dark, in a cool room, in a warm room, and every other tip I could find.  Nothing changed those habits.

Bedtime: Again, I could only get the bean to sleep by bouncing her in a very specific way.  She would fight this too, but not near as hard.  Then, I had to ease her down into her bouncy chair (as she still refuses to sleep laying flat at night for more than 30 mintues unless she is in bed next to me) as to not wake her.  If I woke her, the process would again start all over again.  Most nights I would repeat this process at least 3 times.  Then, I would leave the room and pray!  At one time she would then sleep for 3-4 hours before waking up the first time.  Then, that time shortened to 2-3 hours, and eventually it is now 30-45 minutes later.  If I give her the bink and put her back down she will then start waking up every 15 minutes screaming until I feed her.  If I feed her the first time, usually I can then get a couple of good hours of sleep out of her.  Danny is not able to put her down or go in to comfort her.  If he picks her up she either screams or decides it must be time to wake up and play.  Either way, when I eventually step in to take over, it will take me a good 1-1.5 hours to get her back down (therefore I chose not to allow him to try).  This means I can't leave the house after she's asleep, because she'll still be awake when I get home, whenever that is.  If she is deciding to wake up ever 15 minutes, I don't get to sit down that night. 

Then, for overnight, she would wake up ever 2 hours or sometimes much less time than that.  She used to refuse to allow me to put her back down any way but to eat.  She would end up waking up fully if I didn't feed her, and then she'd be up for hours.  So, I fed her EVERY time.  After that went on awhile, she decided she also needed a little extra play time at night, and added 2 hour wakings in the middle of every night.  That was fun.  I would usually lay in bed, dreading the next time she woke up, fearing if I made one wrong move then she'd be up the rest of the night.  Oddly, the fear of losing hours of sleep each night in turn made me lose hours of sleep anyway, because I was so stressed.  I dreaded every night, because I knew it would be a constant battle.  If she woke up she wasn't fussy, unless I put her down.  Then she'd play for 10 minutes or so and then start screaming.  So, I'd spend HOURS each night bouncing her to try to get her to fall back asleep.  There were a few times my back would hurt so bad and my arm would be so asleep it is only by the grace of God I didn't drop her.  We have recently found a method that is helping with a few of these problems.  She would usually sleep much better and longer if I put her in bed with me, but as she is such a kicker and thrasher when sleeping, if we are all in bed together, I can't sleep because she'd keep me awake.   So, for the past couple of weeks, Danny has been banished to the guest bedroom so that Emma and I could share the bed.  This has stopped the many night wakings, and has even made it possible to eliminate any feedings between 12-6.  Since she was cuddled up to me, she would allow me to slip the bink in and leave it at that.  This doesn't stop the many wakings (sometimes as many as 7 in 1.5 hours) before going to bed.  Every time Danny wants to enjoy our new theater, it is a stress to me as to whether or not I'll get to sit and enjoy it or spend more time running up and down the stairs to put Emma back down.

I don't say these things to complain, but to let you know where we are at right now, so that you can better understand our choice.  We have started the process of letting her cry it out.  I know many of you out there think this is one of the worst things parents choose to do to their kids, and that by doing so they are causing the babies to lose trust in their parents etc.  Trust me, I worry about these things all the time.  But, I have tried every other method out there that I have been able to find.  I have done everything I know to try, and NOTHING has worked.  If anything, with most new methods I tried, things would only get worse.  I kept waiting for them to get better after they got worse, as most people claimed, but it never happened.  So, after a lot of prayer, reading, and talking to my doctor, we decided it was time for some tough love.  I have been so emotionally, physically, and mentally drained due to our sleep issues, that it has really started to affect me.  For about a month straight, every morning I would wake up with a horribly upset stomach.  Right after that went away, I ended up with the worst headache I'd ever experienced one night, and since that night I haven't woken up one day yet that at some point in the day I haven't had a headache.  I have laid in bed many nights, as I said, a ball of tension and stress waiting for her to wake up and be up for long periods of time, and woken up many early mornings after sleepless nights just laying in bed crying because I didn't have anything left to get out of bed.  So, I have decided that I'm losing my ability to be a good momma at this point.  I don't know how many countless times I've realized the cat's food dish is empty, and I have had no idea how long it's been empty.  I tend to be pretty scatterbrained anyway, but lately it's just BAD.  I'm waiting for my complete sleep deprivation to have some negative impact on Emma, and praying every day that it doesn't.  God has been very faithful in getting me through the days when I just didn't think I had it left.  I know he'll get me through until this whole sleep situation gets resolved.  

So, while you may still not believe any of this justifies allowing my daughter to scream for an hour at a time, without going in to comfort her (that's all we've gotten up to at this point, as we're only doing this at naps for now), I feel as though this is what is right for our family.  Emma is being affected by her lack of sleep, and I am as well.  We're both getting sick, being cranky, and it's only getting worse.  We are all hoping this will turn things around.

Again, please know this isn't my way of venting or complaining.  I know there are many women and families out there who have it far worse than me.  While I may no longer be getting sleep, my daughter is usually happy when she's awake, as long as she's engaged (she likes attention like her papa).  I haven't had any bouts of screaming that has lasted for hours on end, where she was inconsolable.  She is fun, sweet, adorable, and such a joy to have in our lives.  These few months that we deal with sleep issues will be such a small part of her life, that someday (soon) we will look back and it will barely register on the radar.  But, right now things have to change, and this is the only way I know how to change them.  Still, nothing can make you feel like the worst mother ever, than listening to your baby cry for a long time, and not answering those cries.  I doubt myself every time.  

That being said, I can report that after two days of doing CIO during naps, for her third nap today she fell asleep after only 5 minutes of crying.  She still only stayed asleep for 30 minutes, but we're headed in the right direction!  This Saturday we will start the CIO at night as well, and hopefully in a few weeks, we'll have a well rested little bean.

Now, I must get off of here and see if that baby girl is ready to go back to sleep.  We are having one of those wakeful periods I was speaking of earlier, right now.  That would by why I am still up at this time writing a blog when I'm this sleep deprived!  That, and tomorrow is my morning to sleep in!!

Fall Festival Fun!

As I have said in recent posts, Danny and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the fall season!  So, we've been really excited to share this time with Miss Emma.  We started a new family tradition this year of visiting the pumpkin patch/fall festival.  While it is still early in October, and Halloween is a few weeks away, we decided that with a rare October sunny Saturday, we should take advantage of it and get out of the house.  So, we headed down south to the Fox Hollow Farm's Fall Festival!  While Emma is a little young to really get into the fun, we still all had a great time.  Here are some pictures of what we did!

Sitting on the hay bales posing for a picture!

"That's my horse back there!  Off for a ride!!"

The bean and the papa, acting silly!

Me, looking weird for some reason, and the bean!

Giving kisses! :-)

In front of the pretty mountain!

Look at that beautiful smile!

My little pumpkin sitting on the pumpkin!

One of my favorite photos!

In this picture I am seriously just dangling her in front of this fence so Danny can get a picture of her with the chicken.  I was just praying the chicken wouldn't choose to turn around and attack! :-)

The farm had a warm fire going where you could roast marshmallows for smores (I enjoyed this part!), bouncy houses, pony rides, a petting zoo, and much more!  We will definitely be going back in the coming years, when Emma is old enough to enjoy a few of those things.  This year, we just enjoyed getting out of the house and away from the city together as a family, and watching the bean's eyes light up when she got close to the horses, chickens, etc.

Stay tuned for upcoming blogs with pictures of our little dinosaur for Halloween! :-)

Our almost 5-month-old...

New developments in the past couple of weeks...

• Rolling both ways, and is quickly learning how to just keep rolling towards items.
• Sitting up for much longer periods of time, and even leaning off of me or her chairs sit on her own
• Making consonant sounds.  I will make them for her, and she tries to mimic me, and has made a few small "be" sounds.
• An attempt at sleeping in her own room once.  After that, she's been back in our room.  She wasn't crazy about it apparently. :-)
• Attempting to crawl.  She can get her booty into the air and scoot very small distances, but not consistently yet.
• She can pull her socks, bib, and hair bows off.  Hair bows don't come off her head, she just pulls them down around her eyes and then gets mad. :-)
• Hugging and kissing (my favorite).  The kiss is just her sticking her open mouth on our cheeks and drooling down them, but I still love it!
• She can now ride comfortably in the Ergo sans the infant insert, that she's been too big to fit into for awhile now.  I'm very excited about this!
• Drinking milk (mine) from a sippy cup. She's not crazy about the bottle, so we tried the sippy cup.  She did pretty well with it.

I'm so excited to watch Miss Emma get bigger.  She has such a personality now, showing me when she has likes and dislikes.  She giggles all of the time, and I can tell she enjoys playing with her toys and with papa and I more now.  She is such a snuggler as well.  She likes to sleep on her side next to me in the bed, all snuggled up to me.  That is also her favorite way to nap.  If I am carrying her in the Bjorn or Ergo, she is as happy as can be most of the time.  She just likes being near us.  I LOVE that, and I hope that doesn't end.  I'm sure it will as she becomes more mobile and realizes she doesn't have to be near us all the time, and as she gains some independence.  But, I do hope she'll want some snuggles at times as well! :-)  This is where our almost five-month-old is!

Some pictures for you to enjoy...

Just in case you didn't see the fall pictures I had taken.

Look at that beautiful smile.

Her daily bouncing time.  She usually does this while I make lunch/dinner.

My baby girl sitting tall in her high chair!

I realize this is blurry.  There was a smudge on my phone lens.  This was her trip to the zoo with her friends Emily and Jacob!

Sleeping in style.... All the cool babies are doing it!

For how little she sleeps, I have a lot of sleeping pictures! :-)

This was taken during family donut, walk, Ikea day!

We had been snuggling in bed!

Ready for the fall rains of Seattle in her new little rain jacket!

Family Ikea trip!

Action shot in her new pumpkin hat!

Bouncing again!

Helping papa play Xbox already!

Ch-ch-ch-changes...

Well, it's that time of year again, one of my favorite times!  And, in the Brown House, we are surrounded by many changes taking place.  Let me tell you about a few of them...

First of all, the weather in Seattle is finally starting to change.  We had a very late summer this year, but it came and was beautiful as ever!  I enjoyed the days of being outdoors, going on some walks with the bean and enjoying the sunshine.  It was probably my most lazy of all summers, but I'm sure that was to be expected! :-)  But, now it is finally becoming my favorite time of year... AUTUMN!!  Danny and I share a wonderful love for all things that come with the fall.  Much of this goes back to all the fun we had when he was a youth group leader.  Autumn was always the beginning of the youth group year, and it was always full of bonfires, hayrides, Halloween parties, and such.  We've carried that love for fall with us, even though we're no longer youth leaders.  We both love the smells of fall (at this very moment the windows are open on this slightly chilly evening so we can smell the outdoors), the leaves changing colors, the weather turning rainy and cloudy again (yes, even in Seattle, we look forward to this), and all of the traditions we've started here in Seattle as part of our fall.  And, while we enjoy this time here, those autumns we spent in Charleston with the youth will always hold a special place in our hearts! :-)

I'm so excited to have Emma as part of our family this autumn!  There are new traditions we hope to start with her, as well as let her join us in the ones we already have.  I hope to start the tradition of going to the pumpkin patch every year to pick out a pumpkin, and carving them to sit on our front porch.  I'm excited to dress her up in a Halloween costume and take her trick-or-treating, even though she's too young to enjoy it herself (this year, we'll probably just take her around to the mall and let her dress up for our parties).  She'll also become a part of our set traditions as well.  We are excited for her to come with us to Harleween this year (though technically she was there last year, even if she was size of a kiwi) and she'll kind of be a part of Brown's House of Horror this year (more about this later).  So, as the weather changes, becoming cooler and more rainy, the Brown's get very excited!

Another big change that has been happening around this house is the "little" home improvement project we've been up to!  We have spent the past couple of months turning our bonus room in our basement into a theater!  Danny has been dreaming of doing this for a very long time, and we're finally at a place where we're able to do so.  Danny, along with help from our friends Frank, Seth, and Chris have ripped down a wall, taken out a window, and painted the entire ceiling black.  He and I spent a few nights down there painting the rest of the room, measuring for the screen, and figuring out the perfect placement for everything.  Workers have been in to build (and rebuild) a tier in the back, put in new carpet, replace the former ceiling lights with cans, and patch up some drywall.  We are almost done, and hoping to have a "soft launch" of our room this Friday night.  Let me show you a few pictures so you can know what we've been up to!

Before shot looking from the screen wall to the back wall.

Looking from the back wall to the screen wall.

This is the closet that was taken out

Tearing down the wall

You can see the closet behind him

The wall is GONE

You can see the pile of wall and such that was left over

There is the window they took down

Our back wall with our tier built!

This is our screen wall now, painted black

Our black ceiling with can lights

This is the screen, face down after we finished stretching it over the frame.... 135 inches of amazing!!!

Danny, during the screen construction process.

As I said, we hope to have the room completely done (minus the chairs which have to be ordered and shipped, so they will get here a little later) by this weekend, so check back here for pictures of the finished product! :-)

What we're attempting to finish the room by, is our third annual Brown's House of Horror!!  For the past two years, we have taken each Friday in October and invited lost of people to our house to watch scary movies.  We put much thought each year into the perfect movies to watch and look forward to filling our house with people.  In the past we've watched everything from The Blair Witch Project, to Halloween, to Dead Alive, to Black Sheep (a very gross but very funny movie about were-sheep).  We usually have a great turn out for most of our movies, and we've always really enjoyed it!  This year, we're excited to have our first BHOH in our own home and to host in our brand new theater!

The final changes taking place (and most exciting) are with our little Emma!  My baby girl is starting to get so big!  She is officially no longer a newborn.  She is getting very strong with her ability to hold herself up, she is starting to show more personality, and she is so happy!  We have started putting her in the stroller like a big girl, and she loves it.  She can see more of what's going on, and since she is so curious right now, that's great for her!  Emma loves her bouncer and has learned how to bounce quite well in it.  

Here is a video to prove how much she loves it!

Emma is a rolling machine these days, and while she still can't roll from her stomach to her back, she rolls onto her stomach almost every time I lay her on her back.  At this point, my days of being able to hold Emma while doing anything else is over.  She is into EVERYTHING.  Anytime I'm holding her, if there is something in my hands, she wants it and wants it in her mouth.  I also feel as though her coordination is getting so much better.  Every day I spend with her is a blast!  I would never have guessed just how much I would love her, and how much my love for her would grow daily.  I feel so blessed to have this time to just concentrate on her now, and to watch her grow each day.

For those of you reading this who are back in Flora, we are excited to be headed that way in early December.  So, while I'm sure our little girl will have changed even more by that point, we are excited to introduce her around before she gets to big.  We love our little girl so much, and know the rest of our family will as well! :-)

So, these are some of the wonderful changes happening in our lives right now!  Everyday, I get to thank God for all of the wonderful changes he is allowing us right now, even while some changes (such as my baby growing up) make me just a little bit sad!  We are so blessed!

My Growing girl...

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of when I found out I was pregnant!  I still remember exactly how it felt to see the word "pregnant" on the test.  I kept staring at it waiting for the little "not" to pop up next to it, because I didn't believe I was actually pregnant, but lo and behold, there was a baby inside me!  There was such an instant connection with this little being in there, it was kind of amazing.

And now, a whole year later, I can praise God for the many blessings he's poured on our family and the many ways our lives have changed!  I praise God for allowing us the special job of helping Him raise this beautiful, sweet baby girl!

And, one week from today that baby girl will be a full four months old.  I can't believe how fast the time has gone.  Looking back over pictures of her, I realize just how much she's grown.  And, she's starting to get such a fun, sweet personality, which is great!  So, these are some of the big milestones we've reached in the past month!

• Each morning we sing a series of songs with motions which are her "exercises."  One song we sing is "The Wheels on the Bus" and for the windows going up and down, I've always held her hands and brought her to the sitting position and then back to laying down.  She has now learned to keep her head and her body aligned when I do this, rather than letting her head dangle back.  Lot's of neck strength now!
• She's also starting to lean up, lifting her head off the ground/chair as though trying to sit up.  This is why she now has to be strapped in to EVERYTHING she sits in.  Otherwise, she'd just flip herself right out.
• She's starting to become a little mobil.  I've realized that if I lay her down on her play mat and look away for a second, when I turn around, she's never exactly where I left her.  She can use her feet to push herself around the play mat, and can move quite far and fast if she wants.
• Emma is close to being able to sit up on her own.  I can let go of her while sitting and she'll stay in that position for a bit before she starts to lean over one way or another.
• She's also close to rolling over from her back to her stomach.  She can now easily get onto her side, and chooses to do so a lot.  This is why she will no longer be swaddled while sleeping.  Since she does so by using her legs, I don't want her to end up on her stomach while swaddled and not be able get her head up. (side note: while typing this, Emma had her first full rollover from her back to her stomach!  Way to go bean!!)
• Emma has now become a little chatterbox.  She is squealing, cooing, and making sounds ALL THE TIME!  She can also blow bubbles which she loves to do!
• Everything goes into the mouth... Her fingers, our fingers, toys, books... she's not selective!  Her gross motor skill of grabbing things and putting them to her mouth is working great! (side note: as I was finishing typing this, I found trying to get her toes into her mouth for the first time. :-))
• The bean is becoming a papa's girl!  Every time she hears Danny's voice or sees him, she gets a big smile on her face, and he gets more smiles and giggles than anyone or anything else!  I even put him on speaker phone the other day and she was furiously looking around for her papa every time he'd say anything.  She was quite confused as to why she couldn't find him.
• She is giggling all the time now!  It is so much fun!
• She can now sit in her bouncer, which she enjoys.  Her feet only barley reach the floor so we have to put a pillow or some books underneath, but she does like to get it bouncing.
• Sadly, right now we are going through the first baby cold.  Luckily, it hasn't been too bad, just a stuffy nose.  Unfortunately it's been stressful for the parents, as we were concerned for the first couple of days she would stop breathing since she can't breath through her mouth that well yet.  But, she has seemed to adapt well and has taken to breathing through her mouth on occasion when she's struggling through the nose.  And, we've been using saline drops and the bulb syringe constantly.  We seem to be coming near the end of it.

We've had a couple of new experiences the past month as well.  She had her first eye doctor appointment.  We had this because not only was she still cross eyed, but she was also turning her head really far to each side a lot, which our ped said may mean she is having trouble seeing.  So, for the appointment, they had to dilate her eyes and everything.  I was so impressed at how she handled it.  No crying or fussing at all!  She even managed to fall asleep while we were waiting for the dilation to work. At this point, she's still slightly more far sided than she should be, but they expect it to correct itself.  We have another appointment in November to make sure it has.  Otherwise, she will be wearing baby glasses.  Please pray we don't have to go that route.

Also, she and I had our first experience working in the church nursery together.  We did it for four days in one week during VBS.  The first day I was in the Toddler room, which didn't work so well.  There were about 20 one- and two-year-olds.  Because she's so small, and all the two-year-olds were very interested in her, I had to wear her in the Bjorn the ENTIRE time we were there, which was for about 4.5 hours.  During much of this time, I was also leaning down and picking up many of the one- and two-year-olds who were upset, so by the end my back was in large amounts of pain.  So, for the other three days, I was put in the actual nursery.  This was much better, as there were only 7-8 kids in there each day, and 4 adults.  Still, being in there resulted in her getting poked in the eye or smacked in the head at least once a day by another child.  We survived though, and she had fun watching the other babies.  I do think this may have been where she got her current cold though...  In a couple of more months, when she's old enough to be in the nursery during church, I'll start serving once a month and she'll get to go in there the rest of the time without me.  Wonder how that will go?? :-)

Here's a couple of videos of our baby girl being cute!  Enjoy!!

This is our bubble blowing video! :-)

First time in her bouncer... sorry it's sideways.  I don't know how to fix it.

We call her our little rodent, as she tries to chew on everything! :-)

Isn't she the coolest baby on the block!! :-)

A New Way of Eating in the Brown Household...

I am trying to change the way the Browns eat!  This is no easy task I assure you.  Why is that?  Well to begin with, as Danny so rightly put it, I don't really want to eat a different way.  That is the first problem, yes!  I was angry at first when he said this to me, but in essence he is right.  I have been raised my whole life on eating few fruits, even fewer vegetables, and having many sweets right at my fingertips.  I don't blame my parents for this.  While some of it was their doing (my mother doesn't like many veggies herself and therefore didn't try to force us to eat them) it was my choice to continue eating that way when I got older.  When Danny and I got married, we ate a lot of things out of a box, processed, and full of ingredients I can't even pronounce.  We ate a lot of macaroni and cheese, hamburger helper, and sugary cereals for breakfast.  Once we were both making money, we started eating out, A LOT!

So, for most of my life, this is how I would eat.  It is much easier to stick with what you know, rather than change to something you don't know.  Also, when you eat a lot of junk, you begin to crave that junk.  You get a "sweet tooth" or you just "need" a wopper today.  I can agree with Danny in that much of me enjoys this way of eating because it is comfortable and I've learned to like that food.  I would get tired of it sometimes, and get on a healthy eating kick, but then quickly fall off the wagon.  I didn't put in the effort to learn new ways of cooking, find healthier versions of things, or practice cooking from scratch.  I would always fall back on what I knew.

Now, it's no longer about me.  Now there is this new person in our lives, who will be watching what we do, and learning to copy us.  It is my dream to raise a child who not only eats healthy, but is willing to try many new things, basically the opposite of me.  I can't do that by constantly putting crap in her body or feeding her one thing but eating something else myself.  I have to set an example for Emma and any other children we may have now, so that when she grows up and has her own family, she already knows how to have a healthy diet.

So, what am I changing you ask?  First of all, I'm starting with us.  I just finished reading the book Real Food For Mother and Baby.  Her basic way of looking at food is, if our great-grandparents couldn't eat it, we shouldn't either.  She is all about getting back to the real and basic foods.  I can follow some of her principles, but not all.  Here are some of what I learned from her that I'm trying to put into practice.

• We are working towards drinking real milk.  She would say that means whole, unpasturized, unhomogenized, grass fed milk, given no hormones.  I can't do all of those things, but right now we are drinking 2% (with a goal of getting to whole soon), unhomogenized milk.  I also believe from reading about the farm where we get our milk, it is grass fed as well, but I may be wrong there.  I know the cows are given no hormones.  I can tell you that this is the best milk I have ever tasted!!
• I think I have found a place where I can buy pastured eggs, meaning they have the freedom to roam all the time, not just occasionally get out of the cage.  If I can't afford to do that all the time, then I will try to buy organic, free range eggs all of the rest of the time.
• I'm giving up the "low fat" versions of food, and sticking with the full, original food, but in moderation.  Many of the good nutrients we need in foods are eliminated when they try to reduce the fat in them.  Therefore, bring on the fat!
• I'm trying to eliminate high fructose corn syrup from our diet (at least as much as I can).  I have made a conscious effort as I prepare meals and shop to either not buy some foods that contain it or to buy the organic/pure forms of foods to get away from it.  One example is to buy 100% pure maple syrup.
• I'm trying to stop cooking with or eating foods that contain all unnatural fats such as vegetable oil. I will now cook with lots of butter and olive oil, and as soon as I can find/afford it, coconut oil.
• We are going to eat far more fruits and veggies.  The author of Real Foods says that the best way to cook veggies is with one fat (olive oil or butter) salt and one or two other flavors to add a little extra.  So, tonight I cooked organic broccoli by sauteing it in butter along with salt and chopped garlic and sprinkled it with parmesan cheese.  Danny LOVED it!  And, he's not a huge cooked broccoli fan. 
• We are going to limit the amount of times a month we eat out, especially fast foods.  Our budget could really benefit from this as well as our bodies!

Now, these are the first steps I'm taking right now to make us healthier eaters.   Please don't for a second read this and think I'm saying that I'm great at any of these steps (except maybe the milk... it is the best milk ever!) because I am definitely not.  It will be a slow process, but if I can make small changes over time, in the future we will be eating much better than now.  To give myself some extra grocery money to do some of these things, I'm trying to coupon so that I can stockpile some of our "essentials" allowing me to only purchase a few items for each meal and giving me some extra spending money for the rest.  I'd love to get to where I can purchase exclusively grass fed beef, but that is expensive, so we're not there yet!  Thus far, I have loved making some new meals, and I feel like we're having such a bigger variety than before.  I'm trying not to make things too hard, or otherwise I won't stick to it.  I have a good year to work on this before I'll be feeding a third mouth consistently.  Which brings me to my next change, which is more of a change of plans than a change of routine!

A long time ago, when Danny and I were still only dating and we were discussing the possibility of children in the future, I remember telling him I would absolutely NEVER breast feed a baby!  I was not breast fed as a baby, and I didn't think that was something I needed to do.  He argued pretty hard with me that night about how much healthier it was for a baby, but I couldn't help but point out that I was a healthy child as was my brother, and neither of us ever had breast milk (unless we had some at the hospital before we started on formula, I don't know).  Never would I have imagined I would go so completely to the other side of that argument! :-)

What do I mean by "so completely to the other side"?  I LOVE nursing Emma!  For the first 2-3 weeks of her life, we had some difficulty.  She learned to latch fairly quickly, but I was still very sore and bled quite a bit!  But, once we got passed that time, we've had no issues.  I enjoy nursing her for many reasons, and she certainly loves to nurse!  You only have to get one look at her adorably chunky thighs and arms to believe me!  Still, right after she was born, I began to dream of when she'd start solids.  I did tons of research into which baby cookbook I wanted, found the perfect freezer containers for all of the homemade baby food I couldn't wait to cook for her.  And, then I read Real Food as well as a couple of good blogs, and I discovered baby-led weaning.  After doing some research into the topic, I think this is the route this family will go.  What does that mean?

• Emma will have no pureed foods, unless she is one of those children with a very high gag reflex and just absolutely needs it for a bit
• We will not start with the "recommended" cereal, as grains are harder to digest and have less nutrients in them.  I hope to push off grains until 1 year.
• I won't begin feeding her anything but breast milk until she shows signs of wanting to try food.  It will be at least 6 months, but it may be much later if she isn't ready by then.
• She will eat whatever we are having.  I don't want to start her getting used to "kid foods" at a young age, and become dependent upon them.
• I hope I can be patient enough to not worry about how much she's getting within the first year.  Breast milk will be the main source of nutrition for her for much longer, therefore, if she doesn't eat much at the beginning, then I'm going to TRY not to worry or fret.  That's a very important part of the process but the hardest for me, as I just want to know she's getting the nutrition she needs.

As Emma grows, I will keep you updated on how we do with this.  I hope, by providing her with lots of tastes and textures early on she will be less picky than I was, but I also know that some of the pickiness comes from nature not nurture.  So, we will see how that plays out later.  I know this will equal a lot of work for me, because everything I've read on the topic says that to keep BF a baby that long, and as the main supplier of nutrients means that the mama has to eat and drink a lot of healthy foods herself to keep up the milk supply.  So, my prayer is that I will be able to do so!

After a lot of thought and prayer on the topic, I feel like this overhaul is a good idea.  Besides all of the obvious health benefits, I believe it will help all three of us to be better stewards of our bodies, as we are called to be by Christ.  This isn't a "get thin" fix for me or a new fad.  I want to know that what I am feeding my baby girl as well as Danny and myself is helping our bodies, not hurting them.  We have overindustrialized food so much that we have eliminated many things we actually need and added many more that are harmful to us.  While I will still enjoy many of the products of industrialization of food, and I'm not out to condemn it, I do hope that we can get back to some of the good, "real" food we can overall be healthier people and have a better enjoyment of food!  So, for those of you who have lasted this long with this post, thanks for reading my thoughts!  I'd love to hear your thoughts on all of these issues, and if you follow any of these principles, how they have or have not worked for you!

Almost 3 months old...

My baby girl is growing up so fast already!  When I was at a friends the other day, who has a baby 2 months older than Emma, I was told she totally still feels like a newborn, who is so small and cuddly.  I don't feel this way at all.  I have already almost forgotten what it was like when she was that tiny!  I feel like everyday she gets a little bigger.  Here is where we are at thus far!

Holding the Head up:
She can hold her head up like a champ!  When she does tummy time, she can completely raise it up while on her elbows and look around.  She also no longer despises tummy time like she used to, due to the fact that she can look around and still see her fun toys hanging above her head.  I also finally removed her infant head support out of her carseat.  She had been too tall to use it for awhile, so we just pulled it up as far as it would go once we strapped her in.  But, due to her having much more control over her head, I took it out.  She's much more comfortable now, I think!  I was told by a couple who have a baby 2 weeks older than Em that she was holding her head up really well for that age.  Their son was still quite wobbly, so go bean!

Play time:
She is definitely becoming quite the chatty little girl.  She was bound to be that way, considering her parents! :-)  She loves to squeal, coo, and laugh as she plays with toys dangling above her.  She is also very reactionary to us.  She smiles when I do specific things and giggles at papa all the time!  We have a morning routine now, where we sing some songs and do her "exercises" that I learned from working with Isobel and Rudie!  She enjoys that time, and usually smiles and laughs all the way through!

She is also learning to reach and grab for things.  She loves the hanging dragonfly on her froggy chair, and she has learned to reach and grab onto the little discs hanging from him.  It is so cute to watch her try so hard to get her hands to do what she wants them to do.  She still gets overexcited sometimes and totally misses them due to erratic hand movements, but many times she is able to calmly reach up and grab them.  Then she smiles really big and holds on for dear life!

Sleeping:
So, she definitely doesn't take after me in the sleep category.  I was told I was a child who came home from the hospital sleeping all night.  Emma still likes to get up every 2 hours at least, sometimes ever hour, all night long!  It can make for some rough nights, and a mama who seems to be always going on very little sleep.  I'm learning to cope better than I thought I would.

For this reason, we're starting sleep training.  Right now, we're doing very mild sleep training.  We are establishing a bedtime routine right now.  She gets bathed some nights, but every night she gets an infant massage and then fed.  After that, she is nursed while papa reads the Bible to her.  Then, we swaddle her up tight, and I rock her and read her "It's Time to Sleep, My Love" while holding her.  Eventually she falls asleep in my arms, and then I lay her down.  She's down around 8 most nights, and usually doesn't wake up the first time until 11 (the only longer stretch she has).  That's about when I go to bed, so I will nurse her again, and then we start the consistent wake ups.

We have established a shorten routine for naptime as well.  Basically, I just watch for tired cues all day, and as soon as I see them, she is swaddled, rocked, read to, and put down.  Most of the time she sleeps no more than 30 minutes, sometimes as little as 10 minutes.  Usually, I will go back in and rock her again and if she falls asleep quickly I'll put her back down.  If not, I get her up.  This usually happens anywhere from 3-6 times throughout the day, depending on how much we get out of the house.  Every now and then, she'll have one really long nap (1 hour or even late in the evening she'll sleep 2 hours) allowing me to run around like crazy getting housework done (she's sleep right now, so I should be doing that).

As much as I hate the idea, and I know I will cry doing so, I think our next step is to let her learn to fall asleep on her own, by allowing her to cry it out.  I know many people are against this, and just say to hold her if she sleeps like that, but it's just not practical for me anymore.  At some point soon, I will be taking care of other children besides her.  If I have to spend 30 minutes each nap, rocking her to sleep just to go back in there and rock her again 15 minutes later, I won't be able to keep tabs on other kids.  She is going to have to learn to sleep on her own, and right now no matter how tired she is, she almost never falls asleep without help.  She is also getting to the point where she won't sleep through anything anymore, so I can't just stick her in the Bjorn and let her sleep while I am playing with other kids.  She's too curious about what's going on, and she wouldn't get in a good nap.  Therefore, soon we will have to let the crying begin.......

Other developments:

• She can put weight on her legs now, and enjoys when I hold her up in a standing position so she can look around
• As I've said, she's very curious and loves to watch everything that's going on around her.
• She's getting closer to being able to sit.  I can let go of her when she's sitting and she doesn't always immediately fall over.  She can also sit in the bumbo now!
• She's preparing for those first teeth to come in, though I'm sure they are still months away (I hope).  She's learning to chew on my finger if she can get it into her mouth.  She will gum on it all day if I let her.
• She loves her fingers.  She has learned to get her fist to her mouth, and will suck and chew on her own fingers all the time.
• We are finally back to cloth diapers!!

Overall she seems to be a very happy girl.  Other than a horrible fussy couple of weeks right around the 6-7 week mark (and right when the doctor said it would happen), she has been a pretty easy baby.  She usually only gets fussy if she's hungry, tired, or needing a little attention.  Those things are usually easy to fix.  She enjoys playing in her play gym on the floor as well as her bouncy chair.  She loves to be sung to, talked to, and kissed all over her cheeks! :-)  We get a lot of happy coos, smiles, and laughs throughout the day, which is great!  I'm excited to see how her personality progresses as she gets older, but for now, I wish she'd slow down in the growing and be my cute, cuddly baby a little longer!  Here are a few pics of her recently!

All dressed up for a wedding!

Family day to the zoo!

Sitting pretty in the bumbo!

Happy doing tummy time!

Snuggling with papa

sleeping all swaddled in the crib... with my eyes partly opened

I did what you should never do... woke a sleeping baby.  She was not happy, but we had a wedding to get to.